User talk:Insanegamer1129
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the A Horror Story page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! SOMEGUY123 (talk) 20:44, October 6, 2014 (UTC) Also the story does not meet Quality standards and needs a lot of revision. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:25, October 6, 2014 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:24, January 8, 2015 (UTC) Re: I was going to continue the second one and i very much understand the first story was quite bad i would love some advice on story writing from an admin. Thank you for the info.Insanegamer1129 (talk) 22:07, January 9, 2015 (UTC)insanegamer1129 Story.. Starting with the smaller stuff, the dates you put in haven't happened yet. "April 15(th), 2015." which makes writing it in past tense awkward. Additionally dates like April 15, Dec. 29, Jan. 1 are lacking suffixes (-th, -rd, -st) Additionally for smaller quantity numbers 1-10, you should just write the word out unless it is a date, time, or monetary value. (It is more formal that way.) Wording issues: If you write in past tense, you need to stay consistent through-ut the story. "The others breathed in the gas, hyperventilate (hyperventilated) for about 5 minutes, begin (began) to hallucinate dead family members, then died from coughing up blood." (coughing up blood doesn't sound as scientific as the rest of the description, "aspirated" works.), "He started spastically shouting in a (an) incomprehensible tone." (Use an when the proceeding word begins with a vowel.), ". The team heard laughter and someone, or something, say (said,)" Grammatical issues: (There=indication, their=possession, they're=they are) "He stood their (There)and acted normal." Punctuation issues which I will address in the quotes I pull from the story. Story issues: This begins in a very scientific manner, but slowly devolves into an informal approach (which causes an awkward shift in tone.) "When the team got there(comma needed) what they saw would make grown men cry in a corner." Additionally, a lot of your story feels rushed and needs more description. "This drove the scientists mad and the (they) released the gas throughout the entire lab. All of the scientists died, but the boy lived.", "One of the men got a slit throat and the others ran away in fear.". Additionally the ending feels incomplete/unfinished (which you have been warned about once and doing again will result in a day long ban.) "Weeks later(comma missing) when a bigger squad of elites returned, nothing was in the lab. Nothing at all. Even the supplies of DYR was missing. They were afraid of what J-18 might do." EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:21, January 9, 2015 (UTC) RE: Story (2) You can, but you need to make a deletion appeal and receive approval before uploading. You should provide a copy using either a link to the Writer's workshop (highly recommended) or a revised copy of your story in a Pastebin link. The writer's workshop approach is a better one in my opinion as it allows for more feedback and insight on how to improve your story. (Possibly even picking up on issues I missed that another person doing quality checks might find issue with.) Uploading your story without making a deletion appeal will result in it being deleted and could get you a day long ban. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:43, January 10, 2015 (UTC) :Here, although I strongly recommend using the writer's workshop as opposed to working the story by yourself. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 02:54, January 10, 2015 (UTC)